Soon to be single mom with an adorable 2 1/2 year old boy is in desperate need of some assistance. I'm not looking for a handout, but a hand up. I'm not sure how to explain the predicament I find myself in, or even what help I truly need. I just don't have anyone near me (family or close friends) to confide in or help me. My parents live in the south, and I would love to move to be near them, but I know my husband will never let me leave with *his* child (usually he refers to him as "your kid"), and think it's more of a control thing for him than anything.
My relationship with my husband has always been pretty tumultuous, and I've basically been his verbal punching bag, especially for the past couple of years. There are two older stepsons who have learned to treat me just as disrespectfully as their father does, and a crazy ex-wife still in the picture who disrupts our home life on a near daily basis. I've decided that for my sanity and the health and happiness of my little boy (who I love more than life itself!) I need to get out of this situation.
Husband has been drinking a lot very recently, and recently threatened to hit me, wrenching my left arm and tearing my shirt when I was holding our baby in my right arm. As you can imagine, this has not been at all good for my little boy's welfare, either. He is a bright and beautiful old soul, wise and very tuned in for his 2 1/2 years. This hasn't slipped by him, and he's been sad, anxious and moody since this happened. I went to the police, and could have obtained some aid (financial and otherwise) for a rent deposit, etc. but would have had to press charges that would have landed him in jail, which wouldn't have done anyone any good.
I went through a difficult post partum depression after the birth of my little boy, and it was all I could do to focus my resources to be a good mom to him. Instead of being supportive throughout this struggle, my husband has managed to make me feel weak, stupid, incompetent.
Words are like daggers, and the wounds inflicted sometimes don’t heal. Insults and names hurled in anger are hard or impossible to forgive, and leave bruises that can’t be seen on the body, but remain permanently on the soul.
This is where I am mentally and emotionally, and have been for some time. It has only been in getting treatment for the depression (that has improved to where I’m at least functioning, but continues to drag me down and I struggle with daily) that I began to uncover all the interconnected layers and sources of my sadness.
My first step was to back burner my real estate career, because of the unpredictability of the income. Several months ago I went back to work, getting a job with a decent salary and health benefits for myself and my little boy. Little by little, I have been getting my ducks in a row, making plans, squirreling away a little money as I have been able to.
In the event my husband and I ever divorced, I was supposed to have gotten 1/2 of the equity from our home. I had counted on that to start over. As the fog of the depression lifted, and I started digging myself out of the place I had been, I realized that my husband had taken out a 2nd mortgage on the house, attached our joint checking overdraft account to it, and has essentially drained the home's equity over the past couple of years. (Mainly on bar and restaurant tabs!) Well, we all know what has happened to house values and the real estate market!
I'm feeling angry and betrayed, and more than a little bit frightened. We live in an area that is VERY expensive (rents for a 1 BR apartment run well over $1000 a month. My daycare costs for my little boy in order to work are nearly another $1000 a month. I'm considering trading in my car that I still owe money on for something perhaps older, less expensive. I'm looking at every possible angle to reduce my costs, and somehow bring in more money in order to be able to support us). Stupidly, I sold my home when I married my husband (at his insistence -- he didn't want to be a "landlord") and basically liquidated any savings or assets to change careers to real estate, so I'd have the flexible schedule for the needs of my little boy. I feel so stupid. I'm in my early 40s, starting from scratch, basically, not even furniture at this point. I'm not sure how I ended up in this stupid, stupid situation.
I'm in the Washington, DC area, and I'd love to find someone with a safe, reasonably priced basement apartment, unused guest cottage or something, where my little boy and I could start over and find some peace. I want nothing more for us than peace and solitude and the chance to build happiness again. I'd post pictures, but I really don't want anyone identifying either of us through this post. I'm sure that on some level my husband must expect something like this coming (especially since threatening me with a left hook) but I want to make sure I've got all of my plans in place and a safety net before I jump, you know?
In any case, thank you for listening, and if anyone has any suggestions of affordable legal advice, rent assistance, household items, or whatever, I'd be grateful.
